Letting Go
by ijimmiedthewindow
Summary: Remus attends Lily and James' funeral and he once again feels isolated from the world. Oneshot based on the song Breathe No More by Evanescence.


It looked like a scene from a movie: A misty graveyard, the tombstones glistening from the lightly falling rain, men and women dressed in robes of all black walking through the rows of graves (some appearing out of thin air), all of them headed in one direction. Some were weeping silently, their hands covering their faces. Others were unable to walk on their own, sobbing uncontrollably into their significant other's arms. The whole scene made Remus feel worse than he already did. He didn't want to start crying because he felt that he wouldn't be able to stop and would eventually end up like all of those other people. He had cried the night it had happened. He cried himself to sleep. _James, Lily, and Peter are all dead?_ _Sirius was the one who did it? How is that possible?_

_I've been looking in the mirror for so long,_

_That I've come to believe my soul's on the other side._

After all of his tears were gone, the anger came and when that passed, he only felt numb. He hadn't cried since then. He followed the sea of black weaving through trees and dodging headstones. He was slightly ashamed of his-self, here, attending two of his best friends funerals and noticing how faded his robes were compared to everyone else's. He could hear James now, scolding him for thinking lowly of himself: "Oh come off it, Moony, gray looks better on you anyway, it brings out your hair." He stifled a laugh and a lump rose in his throat as he remembered the reason in which he was walking through a graveyard. He cleared his throat and walked on, willing himself to keep his mind away from James and focusing solely on walking.

_Oh, the little pieces falling shatter,_

_Shards of me too sharp to put back together._

However, try as he might to forget, he just couldn't keep the anger and the helplessness he felt from resurfacing. His mind replayed the events of the past weeks over and over until it was in his every thought and frequented his dreams. He had heard that Voldemort had been looking for Lily and James and he was willing to do anything in his power to help them out. However, being a werewolf didn't earn him much power or respect. Sirius, his own friend, and his pack brother had even suspected him of being a spy. _Yeah, but now look where he is, he proved to be the evil one;_ he added as a bitter afterthought. Sirius had betrayed his best friends and gave their whereabouts to Voldemort and then when Peter tried to stop him, he killed him and a dozen muggles who got in his way. Remus knew that Peter would have never been able to stop Sirius physically, he wasn't as quick or as intelligent, but he was sure he would have been able to talk some sense into him. However, in the end, Sirius showed Peter no mercy and blew him away, not even leaving enough of him to give him a proper burial.

_Too small to matter,_

_But big enough to cut me into so many little pieces._

Every few minutes the sun would show itself but then go quickly behind the clouds. Remus wished the sun would stay out; all of this rain was adding to his misery. He walked further and further through the graveyard and his robes were now fairly damp. He noticed a garden nearby full of beautiful flowers; he walked up to the garden, scooped up a handful and continued on his way. As he rejoined the group, he noticed a witch and wizard with shabby gray robes like himself but also with flaming red hair. "Arthur! Molly!" he called out as he ran towards them. They both whipped around as the sound echoed through the silent graveyard. Molly's face was red and puffy, she had been crying, and Remus had never seen Arthur so down.

"Oh, Remus!" Molly said as she reached out and embraced him. "It's so good to see you dear." Her voice was muffled as she pressed her face against Remus' chest in her tight embrace. She was a good foot and a half shorter than him. When she finally released him he turned and shook Arthur's hand with a small smile.

"How are you doing, Remus?" he asked, his eyes full of concern and a definite note of sadness in his voice.

"Oh I'm fine Arthur, thank you." he lied. "How are the children?" Remus asked, taking his mind of the situation at hand.

"They're doing fine," said Molly in between sniffles, "We're all taking it one day at a time." Her eyes were beginning to fill with tears again and she hid her face on Arthur's shoulder.

Arthur put an arm around his wife and patted her gently on the back. "It's alright, Molly." He said to her soothingly.

She gave another sniffle and emerged from Arthur's shoulder to turn and face Remus. "I'm so sorry, Remus. It's been a very trying time for all of us. It's just so…so…sad." A few tears rolled down her full face and she wiped them away with a gloved hand.

Remus put a hand on her shoulder and said with a truly sincere smile, "Don't apologize for being human, Molly."

She smiled, pulled him into another hug, and they continued on their way.

_If I try to touch her,_

_So I bleed,_

_I bleed_

_And I breathe,_

_I breathe no more._

Remus felt a little better having someone to keep him company and to share in his pain but over recent events he now had a loneliness that he felt nobody here would ever understand. Out of all of the people attending this funeral aside from James and Lily's parents, Remus was probably feeling the worst. James and Lily made up one half of his closest and dearest friends in maybe his entire life. Peter made up another portion but he was also gone and Remus felt angry that he wasn't able to have a proper funeral due to the circumstances of his death. Sirius was the remaining portion, but considering the fact that he was the reason that his other friends were dead, he silently agreed that he would never again regard Black as more than an acquaintance.

_Take a breath and I try to draw from my spirit's well,_

_Yet again you refuse to drink, like a stubborn child._

After what had felt like a miles walk, they finally reached their destination. Two mist-covered caskets were lying side by side; both were covered with flowers and pictures of families and friends and surrounded by rows of seats. Remus fought the urge to cry as he walked to a seat and sat down, never taking his eyes off of the caskets. It was very hard for him to picture his friends lying in there, motionless and unsmiling, when only a few weeks ago they were happy and laughing. The thought made him sick to his stomach and he was forced to take very deep breaths to keep from passing out. He saw Arthur and Molly sit down across from him; Molly had a handkerchief out and was covering her face with it. Arthur was sitting with his arm around her shoulders and wearing a very somber face.

_Lie to me,_

_Convince me that I've been sick forever._

_And all of this,_

_Will make sense when I get better._

Briefly, Dumbledore himself stepped forward to give his own words and blessings. His tone was, as always, extremely calm when he spoke. However, today there was a slight quiver in his voice and he looked much more older and exhausted. He addressed everyone gently.

"As you all know, James and Lily Potter were two of the many victims in this past war. They were always a very strong and inspiring presence in all of the lives they have touched and even in death, they give us new hope. By saving their only son Harry, they have also saved the lives of thousands of other witches and wizards everywhere." There were a lot of whispered voices at the mention of Harry and Remus caught such words as "Amazing" and "Miracle". Dumbledore looked around at everyone, cleared his throat and continued. "Their kindness, their courage, and their desperate fight for everything that is right in this world will never be forgotten. My only wish is that they could have been here today to see their friends and families living in peace once more. Let us not mourn Lily and James' deaths here today, but celebrate their selfless acts of bravery with which they have saved so many lives in return."

_I know the difference,_

_Between myself and my reflection._

_I just can't help but to wonder,_

_Which of us do you love?_

With his last words people began to rise from their seats and walk over to the caskets. Most people were placing flowers and cards onto them; others were even placing wrapped gifts upon the caskets. Remus got up and walked over to Molly and Arthur who were putting their flowers onto each casket. Molly was now crying again, her tears were falling upon Lily's casket as she bent down to kiss it and tears were leaking down Arthur's face now as he placed a card on James'. They both saw him approach and they hugged and said their goodbyes; Molly had to get back to the kids. Everyone else had paid their last respects and they all were eventually gone.

Dumbledore had found his way over to Remus and asked, "How are you Remus? I know this must be a very difficult time for you especially."

"I'm fine," Remus lied again, putting on a very forced smile.

_So I bleed,_

_I bleed_

_And I breathe,_

_I breathe now…_

_Bleed,_

_I bleed_

This question was already annoying him. He knew everyone meant well but it was just making him feel worse.

"One hopes so," said Dumbledore, his light blue stare was penetrating Remus' very soul. He didn't seem convinced but he simply patted Remus on his shoulder and after a small wink, he disapparated, leaving Remus alone standing in front of his best friends graves.

He looked at the flowers covering the caskets and remembered that he had picked some. He walked back over to his seat and scooped them up. As he walked back he saw a single bright white lily growing at the base of a tree. He walked over and picked it up and then walked back over to the caskets. He glanced at them for a moment and with a very heavy sigh he placed the bundle of flowers onto James' casket and the beautiful white lily onto Lily's. He kissed his hands and pressed them against each casket, and then turned to James' and said, "I will never forget you, James. You did more for me when I was young than anyone else had ever dared. Thank you for sharing the full moon with me. Thank you for being my true friend." He then turned to Lily's and said, "You made James happier than he ever was and your presence always made me feel better about myself. Thank you for accepting me for what I really am and thank you for being such a beautiful person to all."

_And I breathe_

_I breathe…_

_I breathe…_

He then cleared his throat and let out another deep sigh, only this time it was more painful. He spoke once more in a voice no louder than a whisper, "Goodbye dear friends. May you rest in peace forever." He then turned and began to walk back through the trees as a single tear rolled down his scarred and tired face.

_I breathe no more…_


End file.
